Signs Of Mommy Issues In A Man
Signs of Mommy issues in a man include insecurity, entitlement, lack of accountability, and more. Seek a therapist if your partner is too close or distant from his mother.
A man with mommy issues is the gender opposite of a woman having daddy issues. While the latter is often discussed and scientifically researched, the former is sidelined by other mental health issues.
Mommy issues meaning is the psychological and emotional issues a person faces as a direct consequence of his childhood relationship with his mother or other motherly figures.
For healthy psychological development, the relationship between a mother and her child is vital.
People often mistake mommy issues for abandonment issues, which is an incomplete analysis. The condition can also develop because of an overly obsessed or controlling mother.
Psychologists have found out that such a condition develops when a person is either manipulated, abused, or neglected by their mother. So, in a way, both overprotective and permissive mothers can turn their child into an adult with mommy issues.
On the other hand, some psychologists have overly exaggerated the mental health issue. Psychologist Sigmund Freud compared mommy issues with the Oedipus Complex, which seems totally out of proportion.
Related: Top 20 Best Mothers Day Gift For New Mom
13 Signs Of Mommy Issues In A Man
Mommy issues develop as a result of a neglectful or traumatic childhood experience. Men, who grew up under abusive mothers, tend to grow resentful towards all women.
If a person was abandoned by his mother as a child, he is likely to be insecure around women. So, in a way, a mother's influence remains with a man throughout his life.
Men with mommy issues often lie in the extremes. They are either fully dependent on their mothers or try to avoid them at any cost. Here are 13 such signs to look for in a man before determining if he has unsolved psychological issues.
1) Persistent Contact With Mother
Regular contact with your mother is healthy unless it borderlines compulsive behavior.
A man with mommy issues will constantly try to remain in contact with his mother. In most cases, if your partner is calling his mom every day, chances are he is dealing with some childhood issues.
You'll also notice that his mother has full knowledge of his daily routine. In some cases, the signs might be there even when your partner has no unresolved concerns. However, if a man has more conversations with his mother than he has with his partner or best friend, it is a sign of a serious mental health problem.
2) Constantly Tries To Avoid Mother
If a man is too distanced from his mom or comes up with excuses to constantly avoid her, he could be hiding an abusive or neglectful childhood.
Just like overdependence is an issue, complete estrangement is also not a sign of a healthy mother-son relationship. Such behavior arises if he was manipulated or abused by his mother as a child.
Seek therapy if you don't want this to turn into a more serious problem.
3) Comparison of Partner with Mom
Comparing your romantic partner with your mother is never a sign of sound mental health.
If you were raised in a normal household, you'll have realized by now that no one can replace your mom. Also, your girlfriend/wife is not there to replace her; the nature of your relationship with each woman is different.
So, a comparison between a romantic partner and a biological mother is never warranted. Despite this, if your boyfriend still regularly compares you with his mother, he likely has some mommy issues that need to be solved asap.
4) Entitlement Feeling
If a guy regularly acts out or feels entitled to rewards he has not earned, he could be dealing with some mommy issues.
Men, who grew up as a pampered child, normally show such signs. Such guys had their every demand fulfilled during childhood. As a result, they now expect all women in his life to treat him the same way.
If you fail to do so, he'll start getting more demanding and act as if you owe something to them. Run as far as you can if you notice such traits in your partner.
5) Feeling Of Insecurity
While insecurity doesn't necessarily mean mommy issues, it is one of the most common signs shown by men suffering from the condition.
Normally, children raised by narcissistic mothers show such traits. Such guys were let down by their mothers on multiple occasions.
This leads to the guy becoming insecure about the relationships he develops as an adult. He will start doubting the intention of his partner or if she is going around his back, which is not good for a healthy relationship.
6) Disrespectful Towards Women
Disrespect towards women might be a symptom of the deep resentment a man has for his mother. A child raised right knows never to be patronizing or disrespectful towards other women.
Such a condition usually occurs if a man had a bruised relationship with his mother. In many cases, he is not even aware of his behavior and how it is affecting other people around him.
In this case, honesty plays a big part in solving the issue. People close to the man should gather the courage to point out his disrespectful behavior so as to not repeat it in the future.
7) Expresses Secrets with Mother Before Others
People share their secrets with someone whom they can completely trust. For adults, the close confidant could be their friends, romantic partners, or even work colleagues in some cases.
However, if a man shares all of his secrets with his mother first before he tells it to anyone else, chances are you have come across a man-baby. Such guys were huge mama boys during their childhood and never fully grew out of their mothers' shadows.
The book Of Men and Their Mothers, written by Mameve Medwed, talks about how the author managed to get rid of her mother-in-law's constant presence in her husband's life.
8) Follows Every Instruction From His Mother
Mommy issues can also result in a man becoming too much obedient to his mother. If a guy does everything his mother asks him to, it is likely that he has some mommy issues.
In such cases, mothers can influence life-changing decisions in their sons. And when a person holds his mom's instructions above everything else, it will surely affect his romantic and other relationships.
9) Cheats On Partner Regularly
Cheating is a sign of an unaddressed mommy issue in men. While infidelity can arise out of hundreds of factors, serial cheating is a likely sign of some unresolved mental health issues.
When children grow up without a stable motherly figure in their lives, they don't value being with one person. Instead, they act impulsively and cheat on their partners with every opportunity they get.
Such men never get satisfied with one partner as they value the short-term gains from hookups over a long-term commitment.
10) Suspects Partner of Cheating
If your partner suspects you of cheating even though you have done nothing to warrant the suspicion, you're likely dating a guy with mommy issues.
This behavior is common in men who were constantly lied to by their mothers during childhood. They likely put a lot of trust in the moms, only to be shattered.
11) Has Anger Issues
Anger issues are common in men who were abused, either physically or verbally, during their childhood.
Being raised in a verbally abusive environment, they subconsciously assume that being loud and threatening is the only way to get things done.
These men get triggered by even small matters and lose their temper easily. They could be harboring mommy issues or serious mental health problems.
12) Constantly Seeks Approval Or Validation
Low self-esteem often causes people to seek constant validation in every step they make.
Men, who were raised by controlling parents, usually show such behavior as adults. They need approval in every decision taken in life, making them appear too clingy.
Such men have problems letting things go and show obsessive behaviors in relationships.
13) Lack of Accountability
Accountability is the concept of taking responsibility for your actions. If you are in a relationship, you'll need to be accountable for the time you spend away from your partner.
For a healthy relationship, communication is key. Thus, accountability plays a huge role in the success or failure of a romance.
Men, who were raised by neglectful mothers, never saw an authoritative figure take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they were given excuses or no explanation for their moms acting out in a certain way.
The person was never held accountable for any of his actions. He likely grew up doing whatever he liked and eventually started thinking that actions had no consequences.
Why Do I Attract Guys With Mommy Issues?
If you are constantly attracting guys with mommy issues, chances are you have those issues too. People with similar trauma or issues often tend to attract each other.
However, as author Ashleigh Guice puts it, the problem is not about "who you attract." It's actually about "who you are attracted to." We often attract people with different natures and motivations but get attracted to someone who faces similar issues and challenges in life.
While there are hundreds of factors to consider before determining why you attract partners with similar traits, we've listed a few.
- You attract guys with mommy issues because you have unresolved mommy issues too.
- You are too naive and easily trust a stranger.
- You provide a shoulder to cry on to adult men with mommy issues.
- You're too desperate and eager to be in a relationship.
- You're brainwashed by Hollywood and easily fall for jerks.
How to Deal with a Man with Mommy Issues?
Dating a guy with mommy issues is a challenge only a handful of women are willing to take. In many cases, getting away from the relationship is the only logical move for women.
But, you can't just turn off your affection or love for somebody. So, instead of getting rid of your partner, you choose to deal with the issues and attempt to resolve them.
Here are a few points that may come in handy while trying to work out your partner's mommy issues.
- Set clear boundaries and roles for each partner in the relationship.
- Don't encourage him to be dependent on you. Let him figure out how to overcome the challenges he comes across every day.
- Be understanding and supportive of your partner. But, don't pamper him or treat him like a child.
- Motivate him to seek help from a professional therapist. Accompany him during the early sessions if he has problems facing them alone.
- Don't hold grudges against him or poke sore spots. Even if you have difficulties adjusting to his mommy issues, it doesn't give you the right to call names or poke fun at his mental health issues.